it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
