moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize