I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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