every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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