y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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