the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
