In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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