I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize