My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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