my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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