it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
