dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
