She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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