the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
