Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didn't notice because vodka
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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