I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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