I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
