I am spending my child support on dildos
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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