dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
