I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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