I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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