it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
