Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a search helicopter?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
