i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
