shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
