Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
