Capitaan dildo arrescate!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
