just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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