In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
