I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
