I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
