Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
