we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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