mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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