maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
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