dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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