I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
