If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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