Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
