How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
