Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
