So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
