I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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