I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize