you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
