Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i out mim tonsoeep
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