We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
