I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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