I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize