Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
