He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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