Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
