soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
