I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
