The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Panties = found
Randomize
