He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
