Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am available for nakedness
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