Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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