I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
