I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
