the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
