In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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