Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
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i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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