So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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