I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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