Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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