Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
